An uneasy silence pervaded for a few minutes, as their attention fell back to their food.
The Doctor only picked at his.
“Well, uh, so you say you’ve traveled in space and time. What’s that like?” Sam suggested, trying to subtly respark the conversation.
He looked up slowly, a small smile growing. “Oh, only all of time and space,” his expression was clouded by sad creases in his eyebrows, yet his wan smile deepened.
“I’ve been so many places, and seen so many things. The end of the world, the death of stars, the birth of new ones. The rise of empires, and the fall of tyrannies. Humanity expanded throughout the stars, that curiosity, that brilliantly impervious outlook of, oh, we will just because we can, oh, you humans.”
“What about us, ‘us humans’?” Sam asked.
“Oh, you devilishly brilliant, curious creatures, in my world, you pervade until the end of time.”
“The End of time?” Sam asked.
“Yes. The end of Time itself. Believe me, I went.”
“Well, uh, sweet. How do we all go out?”
“If my efforts remain effective, no-one does.”
“So you stopped the end of Time itself?” Sam gawked.
“Yes.”
“Well damn, if we ain’t some put-upon bastards, huh?” Dean chuckled.
“I suppose you could say that. Humanity always needs someone to save them. And when they call, we come.”
“Yep.” Both brothers agreed.
The three laughed at once, despite a sort of heaviness that permeated everything.
As they finished eating in silence, the Doctor stood, announcing, “Well, I’m terribly sorry to cut this all short, but I believe my Tardis is nearly ready. I must return to her. Too long here in your universe especially, as she’s just repaired herself, could scramble her settings.”
“OK, ET. If you say so,” Dean replied, grinning as he left the table to check out.
“Although,” The Doctor continued, as they headed for the door, “I usually give a complimentary trip to those who help me.”
“For real?” Dean asked.
“Absolutely.”
The outward quiet of the car ride back to the field where the Tardis had landed masked the internal turmoil. Both of the brothers entertained preposterous ideas, fleeting but wonderful, of what might be. When, where they might go. What could be, and what had not been.
They pulled up in the dusty field, the sun blazing behind the deep blue of the police box.
The brothers and the Time Lord climbed out of the Impala, and picked their way up the dirt path until they stood before the box.
“So, have you decided? Where would you like to go?”
“Where can we go?” Sam asked.
“Anywhere. Anywhere in time and space, this universe or perhaps even the next, if you so desire.”
“I know,” Sam said. “2005—“
“Wait, this is about Jessica, isn’t it?” Dean cut in.
“Yes, I’d like to see her one last time, if that’s possible,” Sam replied quietly.
“Well, the issue is, seeing someone from your past can cause you to cross your own time stream, which is extremely dangerous. There are also certain points in time that are fixed, things that are, and must always be—“
“A demon killed her. Because of me.”
“Does this have anything to do with the apocalypse you boys have been fighting?”
‘No,” Sam lied.
“Yes!’’ Dean snapped. “If she hadn’t died, you wouldn’t come with me. Azazel said as much.”
Sam said nothing, staring at the wall.
“Well, I understand this is a bit of a difficult thing. But if you can’t decide, and you must choose somewhere and somewhen that you haven’t before been, I suppose it will have to wait. I must take her for a trip to stabilize the energy fields. I will owe you one.”
“Yeah, it was good to meet you, Spaceman,” Dean said, extending a his hand to the Doctor.
He returned the handshake smiling, saying, “Until we meet again, Sam, Dean.”
Sam nodded sadly.
With that, the madman turned, snapping his fingers, so that the door opened, and went into his box, which dematerialized with a rumbling and screeching, the same as it had come.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
I think Sam says this, but it almpost sounds like something Dean would say. I would clarify.
Okay, so I agree with the other reviewer, it's definitely okay to add a little description. Also, the plot of the piece is very...character driven, which is fine. But I would still look for ways to spice it up to add a little conflict here and there.
Maybe Dean hits on the waitress and that gets a reaction out of Sam and Dean. Maybe Sam and Dean get into a more intense fight over Jessica? Maybe Dean almost runs over someone in The Impala and swears and that gets a reaction out of The Doctor. or maybe they see someone that looks like Crowley and freak out a little bit. There's a lot of things you could do that wouldn't drag this on longer than you want it to. Even though it's still cute cute, it got a bit slow.
I'm hoping there's a sequel, and this is not the end, but if it is, thanks for sharing!
Okay, I just have one question. Is this the end of the story? 'Cause if this is, well, that sucks because this is really fun.
Like I said with the last chapter, this was really short, but I think I can see your problem. You might want to add a little more detail. Not only will it length your chapter, it will also help the reader grasp the characters a little better. The characters felt a little flat in this one. Dean didn't feel like Dean. He wasn't as angry, I suppose, and distrusting. He might have taken a little longer to trust the Doctor, adding a little more drama and "fun". Don't be afraid to make things drag on, because most often they do thanks to human stubbornness. The Doctor didn't really feel like the Doctor either. There wasn't enough...Doctorness to him. He wasn't fun, like the last couple, or even sarcastic or bragging. He was just another person. Sam was okay, though. Sam you still had.
There was one problem in the fourth paragraph at the top, just after Sam speaks and the doctor starts. You said "he" instead of "Doctor" and it just got a little confusing. Try changing "he" to "Doctor". It'll flow a little better and your readers won't worry about trying to figure something out that's not really important.
Other than that, you're good. Nice job!
Keep doing what you're doing!
It is the end of this part of it, but I have a sequel that is already 12 chapters long, so not to worry! I can have that up tonight.
OOO!!! YAY! Hit me up when you post it and I'll try to review it as quickly as I can.
I don't read much fan fiction but this was good. I feel you had a good grip on Sam. I feel Dean and the Doctor could have been a little different. The Doctor would be a little more giddier. He would be awkward and lanky in body movement, talking quickly with big words. I liked this, but I did know if this was the 11th, 10th, or 12th Doctor. I really liked the line when Dean called the Doctor E.T.! Sam's first line was also on point!
I don't know if you saw, but this has a few other chapters too. Feel free to check them out.